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Jewish Cookies and Muslim Indigestion

December 14th 2005

Jewish Cookies and Muslim Indigestion

Jewish Cookies

Scene: A restaurant in Copenhagen, 2007.  “I’ll have a prune Danish…No—make that an elephant ear. I’ve always been partial to elephant ears…and go easy on the cinnamon…No, wait! I’ll have a Jewish cookie. In fact, make it three Jewish cookies. We’ll all have Jewish cookies. How’s that boys? Are you with me? I guess…what’s that? You don’t have Jewish cookies? They are haram—forbidden?

What kind of place is this? You’ve got a license to sell food, haven’t you…and no Jewish cookies? I thought there was something funny about this place. Where are the topless waitresses? Next thing I know you will tell me you don’t server Mohammed burgers…A-hah! You don’t, ‘ey? I thought so…come on, Larry, come on Curley…Let’s go down to the Dirty Dog Wagon and get some real food.”

Moe Howard loved his Jewish cookies and if he didn’t he should have though Jewish cookies are not necessarily Jewish. In fact, in Denmark Jewish cookies have less to do with Judaism than Karl Marx had to do with crumpets, crullers and Christianity.

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Danish style Jewish cookies are made of cinnamon and hazel nuts and are very popular in Denmark in the weeks preceding the Christmas season. Think of Easter and paczkies in Chicago and one has a leg up on this cultural phenomena. But there are people in Denmark who don’t like Jewish cookies—or much else about Denmark either. Some of them find Western-style freedoms just as hard to stomach as Jewish cookies.

These must be the people Will Shakespeare was referring to when he wrote that famous line in1601: “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.” He was a little early. Four hundred years is a long time ago. Was it possible he knew something no one else did or was it just dumb luck? He could have been writing about modern Denmark and the current Jewish cookie flap.

Oh, yes, as hard as it is to believe, a group of Danish Muslims is offended by the very idea of a Jewish cookie and will no longer tolerate this gross insult to their sensibilities. They very name offends them. They will not eat Jewish cookies; they do not want to hear about them; they will not share Denmark with them.

How would an American like to sit down in a restaurant and see Osama bin Laden cookies and Yasser Arafat elephant noses on the menu? That is a good question, but don’t bring it up on MTV or a reality show or half the preteen population of America will insist on trying an Arafat elephant nose—with or without horseradish, it doesn’t matter.

Ole Poulsen, czar of Denmark’s public food consumer department was quick to take counsel of his fears—and to check his Baedecker for the location of the nearest mosque. A boycott could have a terrible effect on sales, he said. What a puny excuse! One can almost hear his dhimmi knees knocking! “If this will be the case,” he said, “then we will be obliged to do something about it.”

Oh, sure, every Christmas, without fail, Muslims from all across Denmark line up at Ole’s bakery to purchase their Jewish cookies, Islamo-fascists included. Come on! The chances are Poulsen eats more Jewish cookies than a hundred Muslim families combined. Jewish cookies are not halah! Nonetheless, Poulsen was quick to suggest a name change. Why not? The times are propitious to surrender. They could call them dhimmi cookies and the government could pay Muslims to eat them. It would be a sort of jizya—the tax dhimmis owe Muslims. Who would object to that?


Bent Lexner, Denmark’s ranking rabbi, didn’t see any problem with a name change. Elizabeth Taylor’s done it a dozen times and the product still sells. Then he got into the front seat with Joe Friday. “I think it would be better,” he said, “to educate Muslims to respect the culture of the majority in Denmark if they want the majority to respect their culture.” An improvement, but still a circumlocution; they should have been told to go to Hell.

Once the name is changed—and it will be—the good Muslims will step forward and say, “You did not need to change the name. We were not offended. Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance.” (Moderate Muslims never volunteer their opinions until the flap is over and the hardliners have had their way. Then they come out of the closet. It’s the good cop-bad cop game and the dhimmis fall for it every time. That is why it has become necessary to say, “Go to Hell!”

How about a Crusader cruller and a Richard the Lion-Heart on rye? It sounds tasty.  So far there have been no death threats and no fatwas. No artist has drawn a picture of Mohammed nibbling on a Jewish cookie and Salmon Rushdie is not contemplating a rewrite of the Satanic Verses with the Prophet wandering through a bakery sampling the goodies. The pastry flap could be dismissed as something incredibly silly were it not for the hundreds of other equally ridiculous demands being made by Muslims all over the world. Islam has been waging war on non-Muslims for 1,400 years and Denmark is part of the Dar al-Harb.

The Qur’an says: 8:39 “So, fight them till all opposition ends and the only religion is Islam.”  Jewish cookies today, New England ham tomorrow: go to Hell might not be strong enough.


By Denis Schulz
Freelance Writer  Contact Denis

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Copyright 2005 Best Syndication                                            Last Updated Saturday, July 10, 2010 09:47 PM