Art of Noblesse Oblige - Saudi Barbarian Style
When Jed Clampett
heard that Arnold Ziffle needed a life-saving operation he wrote out
a check for $100; when Elvernie Bradshaw needed a breast reduction
he chipped in ten bucks even though the very idea had him shaking
his head; and when floodwaters threatened the folks on Coonskin
Creek, Jed hustled down there, filled hundreds—if not thousands—of
sand bags and got wet to the bone. But it one measures Jed by the
standards set by Saudi Barbaria’s Royal Family for mastering the art
of Noblesse Oblige Jed rates somewhere between skinflint and piker.
Sure, he’s ahead of Jack Benny and Ebenezer Scrooge but he’s light
years behind Islamo-fascist Royal Prince Al-Walid bin Talal. Now
there’s a man who knows how to throw money around!
When the World
Trade Center came crashing down, Al-Walid hastened to New York City
to offer Mayor Rudy Giuliani $10 million to help the survivors of
the massacre put their lives back together. (Al-Walid is worth $23
billion. Forbes magazine rates him the sixth richest person in the
And it’s all
because “up from the ground came a-bubbling crude”) It was an
incredible humanitarian gesture! Ten million dollars! A great
example of Noblesse Oblige! And all Rudy Giuliani had to do for that
ten mil was to accept a few words of advice from al-Walid. “I
believe the government of the United States should re-examine its
policies in the Middle East and adopt a more balanced stance toward
the Palestinian cause,” instructed the Prince. “Our Palestinian
brethren continue to be slaughtered at the hands of the Israelis
while the world turns the other cheek.”
Jed wrote out his
check for Arnold Ziffle without saying a word. Now, that’s Noblesse
speech was a big mistake. It would have played better at the United
Nations or in Yasser Arafat’s fuhrerbunker, but this was the Big
Apple. Maybe he mistook Giuliani for Ward Churchill and got Winston
instead. His Honor rejected the offer. He said there was no
justification for the 9/11 attacks. He should have thrown the Islamo-fascist
rat-bag out on his butt—or into the Gowanus Canal. So bin Talal took
his $10 million back to Saudi Barbaria and used it to build mosques
and Mad-Rats-Asses schools where more psychotic Mad Mullahs can
preach hatred of America and Israel and where, no doubt, Allah has
turned Giuliani into an ape or a pig.
Uncle Jed was not
only a humanitarian—he was also quite a conservationist. He donated
$50 to keep the Possum Day Parade alive and another $10 to the Otter
Creek Possum Preserve. Nonetheless, Uncle Jed’s seeming largesse in
philanthropic matters has been dwarfed by bin Talal. Jed had mere
millions; bin Talal has billions and he doesn’t pay taxes. It is not
known if al-Walid ever stared a possum in the face but he has
donated a half a million dollars to the possum-faces at CAIR
(Council on American-Islamic Relations). CAIR claims the money was
needed to defend Islam against American bigotry. Thousands of books
on the educational and cultural delights of Islam were purchased and
sent to 3,000 American libraries. (The Otter Creek Possum Preserve
is more deserving) There are no copies of the Bible in Saudi
Barbarian libraries—they are haram—and anyone possessing a Talmud
without intention to burn will get the possessor a hiding if not a
President of the First Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, introduced
Jed Clampett to Howard Hughes, a man Jed really wanted to meet. Jed
had heard about the Spruce Goose but he was sorely disappointed to
learn the famous Goose was made out of wood and would not be fit to
eat no matter how many collard greens Granny tossed into the pot.
There were other disappointments. Nobody has to take bin Talal to
meet anybody—petrodollars speak. He goes where he pleases, sees
whomever he wishes; everybody pays homage to bin Talal: from Bashar
al-Assad to Kofi Annan at the UN. He owns 5.5 percent of FOX News;
is heavily invested in Eurodisney; owns a part of almost everything;
so when bin Talal speaks, the Stock Market trembles.
When FOX News ran
a headline reading ‘Muslims riot,’ Al-Walid got on the horn to
Rupert Murdoch. “Within 30 minutes,” bragged the Prince of Saudi
Barbaria, “the title was changed from ‘Muslims riot’ to ‘civil
riots.” Ah, if only Giuliani had been on the other end of the
line—or Jed Clampett in the next room with a shotgun loaded with
Do good things
never end for bin Talal’s beneficiaries? Well—apparently not. Just
the other day, two prestigious American universities, Harvard and
Georgetown, announced they had received $20 million in donations
from—who else—bin Talal! Harvard will use the petrodollars to create
a university-wide program of Islamic Studies; Islamic Art, Islamic
Math, Islamic Science—the flat earth theory; Islamic Women’s Studies
with hijab fashion shows on alternating Thursdays.
Steven E. Hyman,
Harvard’s provost, said, “For a university with global aspirations,
it is critical that Harvard have a strong program on Islam that is
worldwide and interdisciplinary in scope.” Bin Talal paid $20
billion for that? He was snookered. Harvard is full of Neville
Chamberlains and Edouard Daladiers. They would have sold out for
less than $10 million.
gift was the second largest it has ever received. The Hoyas will use
the $20 million to expand their Center for Muslim-Christian
Understanding. And lookie here—they are going to rename the center
the H.R.H. Prince Al-Walid bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian
Understanding! Who would have thought! Sorry, John Esposito, Muslims
don’t respect dhimmis no matter how spineless they are.
What does this
latest display of Royal Family, Islamo-fascist Noblesse Oblige mean?
Well, for one thing, Georgetown and Harvard will go on Jed
Clampett’s list of educational institutions—along with DePaul, Ann
Arbor, Berkeley, and Chapel Hill—not to be attended by Jethro Bodine.
Besides—Jed had already heard about Harvard and it wasn’t good. Sam
Drucker had told him there weren’t enough hickory switches in all of
Cambridge to drive the PC bastards and their Muslim running dogs
into the Back Bay.
between Jed Clampett and Al-Walid in their eleemosynary habits are
not only cultural and spiritual—they are mutually exclusive. Jed did
things out of the goodness of his heart; bin Talal dispenses his
wealth to further the cause of Islam. Jed believed in freedom and
democracy; bin Talal promotes slavery and oppression.
Ziffle recovered from his life-saving operation, Uncle Jed gave him
a great, big, wet kiss. Would bin Talal have done that? Okay, okay!
Arnold would never let a creep like bin Talal get close to him!
Gosh! It was only a question! This is not an exact science!
By Denis Schulz
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