Mental Closure Following Your Relationship’s Conclusion
Having difficulty emotionally letting go of a relationship that has physically ended? When a relationship concludes without a corresponding logical explanation many find themselves dwelling in left over emotions.
Your friends and family encourage you to get over it, yet your mind will not let go. Why? An absence of empathy on the part of your ex-companion may leave you dwelling for many years. Join me on an exploration you may never forget.
Your mind marches on with its quest to make sense of it all. When a relationship physically ends your mind has the desire to understand, learn and grow from the experience. Your emotions contribute to this life changing experience from a personal standpoint as well as from your ex-companion’s position. Your mind’s discovery process includes how you feel, how they feel and how to adjust for your future.
Once your mind completes its full investigation and reaches the same conclusion it drifts into the future. You have successfully closed that chapter. This mental closure is necessary in order to build another primary companion relationship.
Unfortunately, many do not reach mental closure and they find themselves dwelling in the past. This dwelling might be your mind’s way of attempting to make some sense of a situation that may make no sense at all. The “what ifs” continually bombard your mind taking it down dead end roads. Over and over you find yourself where you started – no closer in sight.
Sometimes the answer is not within your minds comprehension. You may need to educate your mind to reach a conclusion. One aspect of this education is to kindly ask your emotions to take a break. An emotional break is taken when you step outside your situation and view it as a third party observer.
Here is when imagination comes in. Imagine you are being told your own story. You have no stake in the outcome as your imaginary self, thus no emotional attachment. The information you are being fed could be that of a stranger.
Now lay out the facts of the matter. What this means is to state what happened from a physical standpoint. Emotions are not facts. Your imaginary third person only deals with facts. It has no interest in all that emotion that has a tendency to attach itself to the story. Organize your story so that your unemotional imaginary third party self can follow along. Try starting at the beginning.
What you may discover through this process is a reality your emotional mind had no exposure to in the past and therefore has no means to assess in this case. Without prior experience your mind has a tough time finding resolution. Now that you have the physical facts laid out lets go a step further.
Behaviors are driven by desire. Desires can be wrapped or unwrapped in emotion. Some dwellers on this earth were not born with emotional wrapping. Without wrapping their behaviors are out of sorts with those finely wrapped in emotion. This absence allows them to move on without mental closure. They are purely desire driven with no sense of loss.
You on the other hand have a great sense of loss. This sense dictates how you feel and predicts how they feel to provide you with some reasoning for your next move. Problem is your next move will have little effect on your ex-companion if they have no emotional attachment then, now or ever. They simply move on. And you simply don’t.
Instead of looking at your situation from your own standpoint try looking at it from your fact filled third party observer. Focus on the behaviors of your ex-companion. Ignore your responses. They stem from your emotional self and have nothing to contribute to this fact finding expedition.
If you ex-companion’s behaviors were not wrapped in emotion their behaviors will now feel mean spirited to your third party self. Your unemotional self can accept that these behaviors did not arise from a place of caring. They arose from a completely different place. Let me help - a desire center in absence of empathy.
This is why your ex-companion did not call, verbally demeaned you, demonstrated no interest in your feelings, blamed you for everything, was self promoting, required approval in every move you made, isolated you from your friends and family, had you waiting on them and gave back nothing, constantly tried to change you with no adjustments on their part, exploded inappropriately, accused you of things you did not do, their fan club was out of touch with who they really are, sexual interest waned, keep going with your own list of mean spirited behaviors.
Now let’s go back to the beginning. Fact is your physical relationship with your ex-companion is over. What you have left is this emotional attachment. Your third party observer self has no emotional attachment and clearly wants you to have nothing further to feel about this person. It is now feeding your emotional self the facts of the matter rather than the emotions of the matter.
You might be able to deny your friends and family’s version of events, but you will have a tough time denying what your self factually knows. That is your new and improved battle. Your factual self will win. All it ever needed was to be given the facts.
Take your time and deliberate. The verdict is forthcoming.