Next, find out what’s really going on. Maybe your child got bullied at
school or scolded by a teacher. Or he messed up, feels stupid and is
afraid you’re going to be disappointed.
Instead of storming into your child’s room to lecture and list
consequences, first create an atmosphere in which your child will feel
free to open up. Find out what’s upsetting your child inside and deal
with the underlying root first.
Finally, enforce consequences in a calm, reasoned and firm manner.
Let your child know you are addressing the underlying reason they are
upset. Then explain that even though they were upset, their reaction was
unacceptable and consequences are necessary.
Use Meltdowns to Your Advantage
If you can catch your child before the meltdown occurs—say, when he’s
about to lose it over a disappointment (a friend can’t come over, he
can’t stay up to watch a movie)—you can use the opportunity to actually
turn it into a positive.
“Johnny, I know you are really disappointed. And I can tell you are
about to cry. But YOU are in control of your emotions and I know you can
keep it together. Life is going to be filled with disappointments, and I
know you have a lot of power inside you. So if you make the choice to
keep it together this time, I promise you we’ll make a new play date
soon, okay?”
Give your child an opportunity to achieve the satisfaction of being in
control, of showing mastery over his own emotions. Tell him you are
proud of him. The greatest reward will be an internal satisfaction and
strength—but don’t forget to reward your child for a difficult choice.
The next time a disappointment happens, recall the times he’s made good
choices—and he’ll begin to build confidence and self-control.
Remember, you cannot enforce rules without a relationship. So take some
time to enjoy your kids and laugh with them. Let them know you not only
love them, you really like who they are. Then your rules and
consequences will mean much more to them.
For a free newsletter filled with practical tips to help parents of
children with ADHD, please visit
www.celebrateADHD.com or email Kirk Martin at ADHDcamp@aol.com.
By
Kirk
Martin
Kirk Martin is
Founder of Celebrate!ADHD, an educational organization that provides
Camps and Coaching to help children with ADHD.
Contact Kirk
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