Tommy Chong Arrest makes the US a safer place
July 12th 2005

A while back, the United States of America became a much safer place and it was all due to the capture of just one man. To say that it was “just” a man, however, is not paying respect to the harm he has done to this great nation of ours.

For nearly 40 years this man has taken liberties with the authorities, poisoned the minds of our brave and patriotic citizens and wrecked havoc unchecked throughout the world. Now, he is incarcerated, and we have our government to thank. The man I speak of is Tommy Chong.

Yes, on Sept. 11, 2003, in a blinding flash of irony, a judge in Pennsylvania sentenced the 65-year-old Chong to nine months in a federal prison and fined him $20,000 for his role in running Chong Glass, a Web site that sold “tobacco and glass products.”

OK, face it, they were bongs. Who could have possibly thought that the taller and stupider of the great Cheech & Chong duo would possibly sell marijuana paraphernalia? Well, pretty much everybody, actually.
 

The war on drugs captured its biggest war criminal to date. The conviction of Chong, last seen portraying what could best be described as a stoner on “That 70s’ Show” has proven once and for all that the DEA is not the ineffectual, inept, waste of tax dollars that most still believe.  No, the DEA is much lamer then that. Pick an adjective if you will: misguided, foolish, impotent, pea-brained. They all fit.

In an interview in the February 2004 issue of Playboy Magazine, the always modest and positive Chong talked about how the DEA showed him who was boss on the day of his arrest.  “I heard a bang on the door at 5:30 a.m. When I opened it, DEA agents in flak jackets rushed in with their weapons drawn,” Chong told Playboy.  “They went from room to room yelling ‘Clear, Clear, Clear.’ ”

You just know those agents are willing to kill to bust into houses of aging comedians with guns drawn that way. You just can’t not look cool doing that.  At his trial, the prosecutors told the judge that Chong had appeared in movies that “glorified Pot and trivialized law enforcement.” This leads one to wonder what will happen if the cops ever get their hands on the guy who plays Freddy in the “Nightmare on Elm Street” movies.

The debate over whether pot should be legalized is long-running, albeit in hushed tones. Opponents call it a gateway drug that will surely lead a person to a life of cocaine, crack, heroin, airplane glue, rocket fuel and other such mind-altering chemicals. Those in favor of legalizing pot scoff at this idea, forget the question and eat a bag of mini-Oreos.  Regardless, it makes no sense. While the DEA likes to say that people selling drug paraphernalia are as bad as drug dealers, that’s just silly.

And honestly, who starts smoking pot because they found a really cool bong?  It makes no difference to Chong at this point, he’s said he’s out of the paraphernalia game altogether. Our tax dollars made sure he had his three hots and a cot in prison as opposed to taking care of himself in his Bel-Aire home. So now, he’s decided – and rightly so – to stay out of the marijuana limelight.

William K. Wolfrum is a freelance writer based in Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil.
His work has appeared in numerous magazines, newspapers and Web sites.